Walking around aimlessly can be a strangely romantic experience. You take the time to look up at the buildings, stop and watch the street artists, admire sunlight on the river and give yourself the chance to fall in love with a space. I have been in Melbourne for one week now and I spent this afternoon in silence wandering the city streets.
There is an energy and hum in a big city, but I believe you can still achieve the quite solitude of a country walk and use the time to reflect and slow down. I took in strangers passing by like trees or vistas, interesting, unique people going about their day. Being so surrounded gives you an odd sense of autonomy and loneliness. I really like it, finding a quite space to be alone has so many new possibilities now.
There are many occasion in my life when I feel the need to cry, sometimes it can be a particularly heart wrenching advert on TV, a terrible tragedy on a sitcom or I may hear a song and slide straight back to the moment when I loved it and miss that time so much. However, the most tender, spontaneous cry is when I have to say goodbye to a loved one and simply the thought that I will not be sharing the same space as them tugs at my heart.
I have an amazing family. I do not really understand it when people complain about having to see their family or extended family. I suppose I would count myself as one of the lucky few who yearns to be with mine, I plan and design my life so that I can fit in as many visits as possible with as many members as possible. Not only that, but when something great happens to one of us the others all rally around and celebrate together. My amazing friends are also my family, they usually have the honest advice that snaps me back to reality and do not put up with any of my bullshit rationalising. I have been blessed and raised surrounded by love, I would count my family as my greatest asset.
Considering the major change element of this blog it would not be hard to understand that I have been going through a tough time over the past year or so. I have often felt lost, sad, confused and negative about my future and previous choices. It goes without saying that I have not been the most joyful, happy person to be around. I felt as though a cloud surrounded me and followed me wherever I went, when I did see family I would often put on a happy face and make sarcastic remarks to deflect this dark cloud and keep it away from my interactions. As my family know me very well I’m sure they saw right through this, they asked me hard questions, gave me encouragement and support. Always had time for me and a place for me in their homes.
So this is a message of love and gratitude to my amazing family and friends who have never stopped treating me with kindness and understanding. Who showered me with love and believed in me even when I did not.
Thank you xo