I have been feeling over the last few days that major change is like a yoyo. I am 100% certain I made the right choice, then later in the day I am wondering about it, then I am doubting everything and scrolling through old txts and photos, then I read a few self empowering quotes on my phone and I’m back to being 110% certain again. Then BAM something sentimental triggers and I’m back to doubting. (Thank goodness this is an internal struggle #overanalyzing #feelingbatshitcrazy )
Not sure how long this process will take but, it sure is taking it out of me. I don know how many times you can look a your ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page in 10 minutes and expect (hope) something will pop up like: “worst day of my life miss my ex-girlfriend so bad! Blah is feeling sad 😦 ” or “Realised today that my ex-girlfriend was the sexiest, strong, wonderful women in the whole wide world, how could I let her go?! Blah is feeling regretful 😦 ”
Yup I did it. Face-stalking is addictive and totally a form of self harm, so today I am confessing my face-stalking sins and I’m saying no more, I will refrain! Not only is it completely unrewarding, but it is conterproductive to my new journey. I need to accept my feelings of doubt and let them go, I have already made my decisions and it is now time to simply move on. (cue powerful soundtrack!)
D day is in 3 days, then I will be comfortably flying over the Tasman sea; playing candy crush, sipping on gin’n’soda and watching the cloud carpet float by. I am hoping that this physical distance from my past and the feelings that are attached to it will help me let those feelings go… fingers crossed.
Footnote 1: Face-stalking is when you obsessively look at someones profile on the social networking site Facebook, you look at their comments/ photos/shares, who has liked them, who those people are, etc, etc, etc… (it is pretty pathetic but sometimes very compelling)
There are many things to consider when the end of a decade is looming ahead, there is always the reflection of time that has past. How full have I allowed my days to become? If I was to relive many of those days I would most definitely have gotten out of bed or off the couch more. Life we are often told by Pinterest quotes is ours to be lived as we see fit, we are in charge of our own journey and we have the power to change our direction at any time simply by deciding it. So with my addiction to deep self reflecting quotes clearly bordering on acute I have decided to take a leap of faith. Taking my favourite quotes quite literally I am heading out in a new direction.
I have quit my job, left my long term boyfriend, sold all (not the pretty stuff) my possessions and have a one way ticket out of my current life. Some may say that I have gone a bit too far after being inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love last year, but not I. If I am going to do something it is all or nothing!
So, with a world of possibilities available and a courageous spirt I am about to embark on an adventure. Determined to get off the couch and out of bed I will not meander along uneventfully any longer. Success TBC…