One day…

broken heart


“I love you everywhere & anywhere. Inside & outside & inside out. Top to bottom & bottom to top my dear.” Anon

This post has been long overdue, I didn’t want to write another sad reflection on missing the past. So, I decided not to write anything until I had something positive and funny to say. And dadada daaaa…

I am finally there! Only took a month but hey better late than never as many of my fav quotes keep alluding to.

I have started doing yoga every Monday night, I did practise yoga regularly but haven’t for a number of years now so getting back into it has been fun and challenging. I have found most people in the class take their practise very seriously and part of me admires this, but, another part of me just cracks up. For example during the warm up last week everyone was lying down still, having their minds eye examine their body and relax preparing for the class. When we were instructed to pull our knees up into our chest and rock side to side, the guy down the end let out a rip roaring fart! It was so loud and I just started chucking silently to myself but, no one else in the whole room had any reaction or made a sound. I couldn’t figure out whether I was just being immature or if I was not focused enough on my breathing. However, when 2 minutes later he did another louder fart I did audibly laugh and a girl across from me gave me the “teacher look” I know this look well being a teacher myself and just smiled back. Lesson learnt from last weeks class: don’t take yoga so seriously that you can’t giggle. (isn’t there a laughing type of yoga anyway?)

I have also started going to a gym every week day morning and doing whatever class is on. (Seeing a theme here?)  I was doing a Body Pump class, I’ve never tried it before and really enjoyed it. About half way through I realised that I was full on Cheshire cat grinning and throughly enjoying myself. I must admit that when I’ve herd that exercise releases endorphins and makes you feel happy I just believed that was an awesome marketing campaign that the exercise industry came up with and thought anyone who bought into it was a little bit gullible. (Can anyone say placebo effect?)

Well I am now that gullible girl pushing harder and lifting those weights with a grunt and a grin afterwards. Even though I may make old lady sounds when my acing body rolls out of bed at 5:30am I am grinning when sitting at my desk at 9am. XxCheshirecatdisney

“Feelings are just visitors, let them come & go.” – Mooji

I have been feeling over the last few days that major change is like a yoyo. I am 100% certain I made the right choice, then later in the day I am wondering about it, then I am doubting everything and scrolling through old txts and photos, then I read a few self empowering quotes on my phone and I’m back to being 110% certain again. Then BAM something sentimental triggers and I’m back to doubting. (Thank goodness this is an internal struggle #overanalyzing #feelingbatshitcrazy )

Not sure how long this process will take but, it sure is taking it out of me. I don know how many times you can look a your ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page in 10 minutes and expect (hope) something will pop up like: “worst day of my life miss my ex-girlfriend so bad! Blah is feeling sad 😦 ” or “Realised today that my ex-girlfriend was the sexiest, strong, wonderful women in the whole wide world, how could I let her go?! Blah is feeling regretful 😦 ”

Yup I did it. Face-stalking is addictive and totally a form of self harm, so today I am confessing my face-stalking sins and I’m saying no more, I will refrain! Not only is it completely unrewarding, but it is conterproductive to my new journey. I need to accept my feelings of doubt and let them go, I have already made my decisions and it is now time to simply move on. (cue powerful soundtrack!)

D day is in 3 days, then I will be comfortably flying over the Tasman sea; playing candy crush, sipping on gin’n’soda and watching the cloud carpet float by. I am hoping that this physical distance from my past and the feelings that are attached to it will help me let those feelings go… fingers crossed.

Footnote 1: Face-stalking is when you obsessively look at someones profile on the social networking site Facebook, you look at their comments/ photos/shares, who has liked them, who those people are, etc, etc, etc… (it is pretty pathetic but sometimes very compelling)

“Sometimes your only available transport is a leap of faith.” M.Shepard

There are many things to consider when the end of a decade is looming ahead, there is always the reflection of time that has past. How full have I allowed my days to become? If I was to relive many of those days I would most definitely have gotten out of bed or off the couch more. Life we are often told by Pinterest quotes is ours to be lived as we see fit, we are in charge of our own journey and we have the power to change our direction at any time simply by deciding it. So with my addiction to deep self reflecting quotes clearly bordering on acute I have decided to take a leap of faith. Taking my favourite quotes quite literally I am heading out in a new direction.

I have quit my job, left my long term boyfriend, sold all (not the pretty stuff) my possessions and have a one way ticket out of my current life. Some may say that I have gone a bit too far after being inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love last year, but not I. If I am going to do something it is all or nothing!

So, with a world of possibilities available and a courageous spirt I am about to embark on an adventure. Determined to get off the couch and out of bed I will not meander along uneventfully any longer. Success TBC…