“All it takes is a little bit of faith”

So I am sitting in the gate lounge waiting for my flight to Vancouver to board, my guess is that it is going to be delayed. My only hint at this is the waiting time till boarding has been getting further away on the electronic boards not sooner.

Oh well i have had a few glasses of NZ bubbles and i am quite content to sit here and play around on my lap top.

One note is that there is an entire Rugby/football team sitting all around me in the lounge, going to be an entertaining flight I think.

I am leaving New Zealand this time with an optimism and excitement that definitely did not have when  I left for Melbourne. I know that great things are ahead and I cannot wait

ooo gotta go xoxox

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“I love you everywhere & anywhere. Inside & outside & inside out. Top to bottom & bottom to top my dear.” Anon

This post has been long overdue, I didn’t want to write another sad reflection on missing the past. So, I decided not to write anything until I had something positive and funny to say. And dadada daaaa…

I am finally there! Only took a month but hey better late than never as many of my fav quotes keep alluding to.

I have started doing yoga every Monday night, I did practise yoga regularly but haven’t for a number of years now so getting back into it has been fun and challenging. I have found most people in the class take their practise very seriously and part of me admires this, but, another part of me just cracks up. For example during the warm up last week everyone was lying down still, having their minds eye examine their body and relax preparing for the class. When we were instructed to pull our knees up into our chest and rock side to side, the guy down the end let out a rip roaring fart! It was so loud and I just started chucking silently to myself but, no one else in the whole room had any reaction or made a sound. I couldn’t figure out whether I was just being immature or if I was not focused enough on my breathing. However, when 2 minutes later he did another louder fart I did audibly laugh and a girl across from me gave me the “teacher look” I know this look well being a teacher myself and just smiled back. Lesson learnt from last weeks class: don’t take yoga so seriously that you can’t giggle. (isn’t there a laughing type of yoga anyway?)

I have also started going to a gym every week day morning and doing whatever class is on. (Seeing a theme here?)  I was doing a Body Pump class, I’ve never tried it before and really enjoyed it. About half way through I realised that I was full on Cheshire cat grinning and throughly enjoying myself. I must admit that when I’ve herd that exercise releases endorphins and makes you feel happy I just believed that was an awesome marketing campaign that the exercise industry came up with and thought anyone who bought into it was a little bit gullible. (Can anyone say placebo effect?)

Well I am now that gullible girl pushing harder and lifting those weights with a grunt and a grin afterwards. Even though I may make old lady sounds when my acing body rolls out of bed at 5:30am I am grinning when sitting at my desk at 9am. XxCheshirecatdisney

“Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go!”

I thought being in a different country, in a big city would be more than enough to jump start my new life journey. However, I have discovered that when you have lots and lots of new and exciting things around you, you tend to reflect on the old and miss their familiar comfort.

I will be the first to admit I was very gun ho (no idea where that saying came from) when I devised moving country after my major brake-up. “The physical distance will be a great distraction,” I said to myself,  “once I leave on that plane, a weight will lift off my shoulders.” I mused with ignorance and hope. Well… reality is, well, reality and nothing in my grand plans said anything about me after 6 months still welling up and crying into my pillow until the wee hours of the morning because I desperately miss and pine for my lover.

I am frequently shocked and taken aback when going about my day and a smell, sound or sweet scene on TV will bring me to my knees, I suddenly feel like it was yesterday that I walked away from a man that loved me and the sadness cuts me deeply.

I know that with time the cuts will become shallower and the crying will cease, but for now they remain as a tie to the old and familiar, it is both a curse and a comfort…

“Keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.” – Marilyn Monroe

Walking around aimlessly can be a strangely romantic experience. You take the time to look up at the buildings, stop and watch the street artists, admire sunlight on the river and give yourself the chance to fall in love with a space. I have been in Melbourne for one week now and I spent this afternoon in silence wandering the city streets.

There is an energy and hum in a big city, but I believe you can still achieve the quite solitude of a country walk and use the time to reflect and slow down. I took in strangers passing by like trees or vistas, interesting, unique people going about their day. Being so surrounded gives you an odd sense of autonomy and loneliness. I really like it, finding a quite space to be alone has so many new possibilities now.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – Winnie the Pooh

There are many occasion in my life when I feel the need to cry, sometimes it can be a particularly heart wrenching advert on TV, a terrible tragedy on a sitcom or I may hear a song and slide straight back to the moment when I loved it and miss that time so much. However, the most tender, spontaneous cry is when I have to say goodbye to a loved one and simply the thought that I will not be sharing the same space as them tugs at my heart.

I have an amazing family. I do not really understand it when people complain about having to see their family or extended family. I suppose I would count myself as one of the lucky few who yearns to be with mine, I plan and design my life so that I can fit in as many visits as possible with as many members as possible. Not only that, but when something great happens to one of us the others all rally around and celebrate together. My amazing friends are also my family, they usually have the honest advice that snaps me back to reality and do not put up with any of my bullshit rationalising. I have been blessed and raised surrounded by love, I would count my family as my greatest asset.

Considering the major change element of this blog it would not be hard to understand that I have been going through a tough time over the past year or so. I have often felt lost, sad, confused and negative about my future and previous choices. It goes without saying that I have not been the most joyful, happy person to be around. I felt as though a cloud surrounded me and followed me wherever I went, when I did see family I would often put on a happy face and make sarcastic remarks to deflect this dark cloud and keep it away from my interactions.  As my family know me very well I’m sure they saw right through this, they asked me hard questions, gave me encouragement and support. Always had time for me and a place for me in their homes.

So this is a message of love and gratitude to my amazing family and friends who have never stopped treating me with kindness and understanding. Who showered me with love and believed in me even when I did not.

Thank you xo